Nourishment for the Soul – Cultivating Authenticity
How do we explore the idea of authenticity? Cultivating authenticity and letting go of what other people think requires vulnerability. To look closely at our own authenticity can be a meaningful experience – to slow down and explore what we can come to understand about ourselves so that we can live the most true to our heart, mind and soul.
Reverend Dr. Jacqui Lewis says, “All of us must face and embrace the urgent need for deep social change – change that begins within, then spreads like ripples on a pond, and finally becomes a tsunami of love-inspired change.”
I love that – but what might love-inspired change look like?
It starts with me…and you…and us knowing ourselves deeply. Nourishment for the Soul – Cultivating Authenticity…
I keep this antique lantern, which came adorned with an old wasp nest inside, on my bookcase in the study with the beautiful quote of Joyce Rupp as a reminder of what I desire as the values and the interiority of my heart.
I think a gift of love looks like what Virginia Satir relates in this quote: “I believe the greatest gift I can conceive of having from anyone is to be seen by them, heard by them, to be understood by them. The greatest gift I can give is to see, hear, understand and to touch another person.”
Satir’s model of seeing, hearing, understanding and touching another is so valuable – because it highlights the importance of validation and connection in human relationship…both of what we need and want from others, and then in turn, with kindness and compassion, what we can give others.
But how do we get there? How do we love most authentically? How do we be authentic? How does it look unique for each of us? Where is the beauty in my authenticity?
For one of the first assignments in one of my favorite classes in graduate school, Dr. Brammer asked us to create a mask that represented us. Below I will share the mask that represented my exterior at the time…things I wanted others to think of me, things I might try to show to you. But what about the interior? The remainder of the semester was about that – how to look inside, how to be me, how to create a life that most authentically lined up with my values.
Dr. Brené Brown, a shame researcher and author, has a gift of taking hard topics and giving them definition we can hold onto. I love her definition of authenticity:
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough. Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving – even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”
- Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
There is a lot in that definition! How can we break it down to manageable pieces? In my chapter “Overwhelmed Pie” of my book Stop Breathe Believe I discuss the need to break down complex situations into smaller pieces. Authenticity is a process – a lifelong process that can get rather complex at times.
What if we broke Dr. Brené Brown’s definition into a daily practice for a month or so. Maybe it could look like focusing in on one segment of the definition and then asking ourselves some soul-rendering, heartfelt questions in the process….
Sun: Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Mon: Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect.
Tues: Choosing authenticity means to set boundaries.
Wed: Choosing authenticity means to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
Thurs: Choosing authenticity means exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle.
Fri: Choosing authenticity means nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.
Sat: Choosing authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving—even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it.
Sun: Choosing authenticity is mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles. This is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.
Repeat as needed.
Some questions we might ask ourselves as we look at authenticity more closely: What are my struggles with authenticity? When do I feel most authentic? When do I feel like I belong? When do I feel like I am just trying to fit in? When is it most difficult for me to be authentic? Who can I be most authentic with? What does looking closely at the practice of authenticity stir up for me?
I try to sit outside each morning in my jammies with a cup of coffee…to listen to the birds, feel the breeze, watch Gracey explore the outside world, be still, tune in to my heart. This is a practice, a nourishment for my heart that allows me to tune in to my most authentic self.
As we open our hearts to define authenticity for ourselves, I encourage you to take some deep breaths along the way – to notice in your body where you might hold the struggle, to thank your body for being on the journey with you. I often just put my hand on my heart and say gently and quietly to myself, “This is hard.”
May our hearts soften and strengthen as we lean into looking at our interior landscape more closely. May our souls be nourished as we are gentle and kind to ourselves and to others.
Elevating Authenticity - What if?
by Roger C. Jones
What if–
I let go of what other people think of me
I accept who I really am
I give up the angst of not being good enough
I summon grace, joy and gratitude to my life
I endeavor for love-inspired change
I practice wholehearted living
I see myself surely one of the beloved
I examine myself and live in rising understanding of my heart
I grasp my true self as a gift of God’s love
I give someone the courtesy of seeing, hearing, understanding
I need not the answers to all of life’s questions
And maybe, through my soul-searching struggles,
I elevate authenticity and just be me
May our summer be full of questions, curiosity, wonderment and adventure. May we invite grace, joy and gratitude into each day.